


Identity Crisis

by Affictionate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, whouffle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 23:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Affictionate/pseuds/Affictionate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: The Doctor exists in the real world, and brings an Oswin Oswald cosplayer onto his Tardis. With the Doctor's appearance comes a new world and unsettling revelations. This is the story of their adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I created a world where both the Doctor and the TV show exist. If he was real in our world, this is how I picture it would be. Since they both exist, that means both the Doctor and Matt Smith exist, and Jenna and Clara and so on. It also means that the characters might be slightly out of character. They have glimpses of the characters we know and love, but the characterization can also be different sometimes. I also plan to put up more chapters later on depending on my schedule. A big thank you to wishingforromance for being my beta and helping me edit my story.This is my first fic, so I hope you guys like it.

I always thought that I would love college. Not for the endless studying and homework. That part sucked, but the people were awesome. I lived in a small town, which had its perks, I guess, but everyone seemed to have the same interests. Shows like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom were cool. Nicki Minaj was queen, and anything different was swept under the carpets. But when I heard stories from my sister and saw pictures on the internet of college parties, everything seemed different. From what I could tell, in a big university, different was embraced. The more ridiculous the better. I finally felt like I could be weird, awkward me without being ridiculed.

So I was really excited going to my first college party: a Halloween costume party. Back home I would have went to the store to buy a costume. Over here, I put together my own, a costume that would never have been recognized in that old, small town. I was dressing up as Oswin Oswald from Doctor Who, the girl who is turned into a Dalek. My roommate was Sandy and her boyfriend was Danny Zuko. I also saw a Sherlock, a Watson, a Katniss, the Harry Potter gang, and a cat all crammed in my dorm room getting ready.  I was just tagging along with my roommate because I had nowhere else to go so I didn’t know anyone’s names. My roommate and I weren’t really good friends. We were the live and let live type of roommates, and I am 90% sure she invited me to go with her just to be polite. All the same, I was excited. My roommate would be the only one I knew and she’d probably be making out with her boyfriend all night, but I could make friends. Alright, who was I kidding? Tonight was going to suck. But it was Halloween, and I had my costume. I had to do something. Go somewhere. And I _could_ make friends at the party. It was my first ever college party. I had to go. And if it was a disaster, I could go back to my dorm room. It was as simple as that.

I had already curled my hair the night before, so when the time came, all I had to do was put on my costume and makeup. I finished first. Everyone else was scrambling around the room. I felt like I was in the dressing room of a Broadway show. I sat on the couch alone watching everyone get ready and wondered if that was a sign of what was to come.

Despite my reservations, I went to the party anyway. The moment we got there everyone went in different directions. Katniss walked up to someone dressed up as Peeta. Sherlock and Watson went to the dance floor. The Harry Potter gang went by the food, and my roommate pulled her boyfriend to a couch in the corner to make out, as predicted. And I was left alone, as predicted. I looked around the room to see if I recognized anyone. I saw a few girls that were in some of my classes talking to a guy dressed as the 10th doctor, so I made my way to them. At least someone would understand the reference. Before I got to them, though, something caught my eye. I found myself staring at a painting. I don’t know why it interested me so much, but I was lost in it. I didn’t even know how long I had been standing there looking at it. I began to turn away from the painting when I felt something grab my hand. Someone whispered, “Run,” and I was yanked away from it. I started running, just to keep myself upright. The guy dragging me around couldn’t have been older than 21. He had messy brown hair, a red bowtie, suspenders, and was holding what looked like a screwdriver. A kid dressed up as the 11th doctor. I was instantly okay with begin pulled around the room away from the party. It was a very Doctor thing to do.

“Hi,” I said, out of breath.

“Hello.” He looked kind of distracted, and kept playing with his screwdriver.

“I love that costume. What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m the Doctor, and you?” He held out his hand. I decided to play along.

“Oswin Oswald, reporting for duty.” We started moving again. I don’t know why I was following him. I guess I was just grateful that someone from the party was talking to me. “Oh, you have a Tardis, too? That is so cool.” The famous blue police box was sitting in the corner. I wondered what it was made of and how he had gotten it in there.

“How do you know about the Tardis?”

“How’d you get it in here anyway? Is it made out of cardboard or something?”

“Ugh, don’t tell me you’re one of those fangirls!”

“Okay, I thought it was cute at first, but now you’re not making any sense. Of course I’m one of those fangirls-” I had gotten so used to following him I hadn’t even realized what I was doing. We were inside the blue police box. “But it’s- it’s- it’s bigger on the outside.”

“Inside.”

“Inside. It’s bigger on the inside. Oh, my God it’s bigger on the inside! It’s real! It’s really real! But if this is real, then. Oh, my god you’re the Doctor. You really are the Doctor. It’s all real. The Tardis, the Doctor, the sonic screwdriver, the Daleks, the Angels. Everything. It’s real. And if you’re here- No. No, no, no, no. I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. What am I thinking? Of course it’s not real- Ow!”

“You see?”

“Did you just pinch me?”

“You are not dreaming. This is all real. I’m the Doctor. This is the Tardis, and we… are going to save the world.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Whovians! So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone reading these. I hope you've been enjoying them. I'm going to try to update this every week or two. I was able to get two chapters in recently because I was on spring break, but I have a pretty busy schedule ahead, so take that with a grain of salt. I'll try my best, but unfortunately, no promises. Anyway, I hope you like the new chapter. Thank you again to wishingforromance for being my wonderful beta. Enjoy!

The Tardis whirred and shook abruptly. I reached out to grab onto something, focusing on staying balanced and taking deep breaths because I was panicking. I had imagined being a companion before when I thought it was just a TV show and I always came to the same conclusion: I would be horrible. The companions were all different, but there was one thing that I always thought was a requirement for the job. Bravery. And that was one trait I never had. The tamest horror movies left me with nightmares for days. Every time I had been in a situation where I was afraid I froze or ran away leaving everyone else behind.

The Tardis had stopped. I knew that much. I was on solid, stable ground, but it didn’t feel that way. My head was whirring, my legs were shaking, and the room was spinning. I grabbed onto the console for support, careful not to press any buttons or move any levers, and slowly sat myself down. I closed my eyes and pressed my head to the Tardis’ cool console. The TV show was real? How could that even be possible?

“Are you alright?” the Doctor asked. I didn’t say anything, though. I was afraid that if I spoke I would puke on the Tardis’ beautiful floor. “Oswin?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m not hurt.” The Doctor crouched down next to me.

“Okay, then we’ll just stand you back up and-”

“No, no, no, no, no.”

“I thought you said you weren’t hurt.”

“I feel sick.”

“I don’t have time for sick. We’ve got to go now.”

“Just give me a minute.”

“I could leave you in here if you’re just going to slow me down.” I looked up at him and rolled my eyes.

“What?” he asked surprised.

“Well that’s one thing from the show that’s true. That has always pissed me off.” Then he rolled his eyes. I could tell he hated the show.

“What?”

“Everyone you bring along with you is always so brave and clever, which I guess is understandable. They have to be if they’re going to have to face dangerous creatures and stuff, but you always treat people who are afraid like they’re inferior or something. I get it. If you had to wait for people like me all the time you’d never get anything done, but don’t treat me like I’m a burden. You’re so interested in humans and what it means to be human and whatever else goes on in our minds? Well, this is it. I don’t know how you always manage to find the one person who can handle everything you tell them no problem, but most of us are scared. When we find out that there are things that exist that we never imagined, we’re terrified. Only a few seconds ago, I thought this was a TV show, and now I’m just supposed to accept that this is all real like nothing? I’m a human being. I’m scared, so would you give me a damn minute to pull myself together before I go chasing after something that will probably try to kill me?!”

“I can’t wait a minute, because if I wait a minute people die! So, if you’re not going to come, you can stay here.” He started walking away, but I wasn’t done with him yet.

“It’s like you didn’t listen to a word I said. You are doing it all over again! You can’t just pick me up out of nowhere, introduce me to this whole new world, and then shove me to the side like it never happened just because I’m not quick enough for you. I’m not worthless.”

“I never said you were,” he said with a smile. “Nice to see you out of the Tardis.”

I was so blindsided by this fact, that for a few seconds, I couldn’t say a thing. Finally, I mustered a quick and quiet, “You tricked me.”

“Yeah, it didn’t take me very long to realize that the only way I could get you to move was if I got you talking. You never shut up.” I smacked his arm. “Hey!”

“Alright, Sherlock, where did you take me?”

“You tell me.”

“Really, you’re going to make me do this?” The look on his face said yes. As I looked around, I realized we hadn’t gone anywhere special. “We’re still in the university, but I can’t hear the party anymore. The corridor’s different, though. We’re at a different angle, so we’ve definitely moved in space. I don’t think I’ve been to this part of the college before, though, unless we’re in a different time, too.”

“We are still in the university, and we’re in the same time. I just moved you from the party. It was getting a little dangerous.”

“Dangerous? The party? How? Doctor, what exactly are we dealing with?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“You don’t know.”

“Nope, not a clue.”

“Then, how do you know we’re in danger?”

“The Tardis was drawn to this location. I don’t know why. It’s been picking up these weird signals, and I can’t identify them. Someone is trying to hide what the signals really are.  Which means that someone’s trying to lead me here, but they don’t want me to know who they are or why they’re here, and that is almost always very, very, very not good.”

“So, you’re walking into a trap.”

“Yep. Love a good trap. Just usually not while I’m in them.”

“Why exactly are you walking into a trap?”

“Only way to know who’s here and what they want.”

“Doctor, why me?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you pick me to come with you? People try to follow you. It’s never the other way around. You don’t just drag people into things. Not unless you know them.” There was something very sad about the way he looked at me after I asked that question. Then, his expression turned serious.

“Oswin, what’s your real name?”

“Claire. Claire Coleman.”

“And your mother’s maiden name is Oswald.”

“Yes, it is. How did you know that?”

“You know how I know that. You watch the show. Don’t ask stupid questions. Did you never find it odd that your name was so similar to the character in the show?”

“Doctor, you’re scaring me."

“Please, Clara, answer the question.”

“Of- of course I didn’t! I’m human! I just found out all of this existed today! I just thought it was a coincidence! It is a coincidence, Doctor, isn’t it?”

“After meeting me, do you really think that anything is just a coincidence?”

“But what you’re implying is ridiculous! I’m not- I can’t be her, can I? It’s just not possible!”

“That’s why I dragged you here. I recognized you: the Impossible Girl. I’ve met you twice already. But I looked a little closer, Clara, and you have been following me for a long, long time.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I've been busy visiting colleges, and such. And my laptop broke, and it just took a long time to get this chapter exactly right. Thank you again to my lovely beta, wishingforromance. This one was a lot of work, so I hope you like it!

 I sank down to the floor, my back against the wall and my head in my hands. The Doctor walked over and sat next to me.

I turned to him. “How? How can this be possible?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“How many times did you see me?”

"It's like the show-"

"Doctor!" Tears threatened to fall down my face, but I held them in. He looked surprised, I guess, that I had yelled at him. Then, he looked like he pitied me, and I knew he could see what I was trying to hide. I looked away.

“Once in Victorian England, and again in the future.” I couldn't help it. I laughed, and a tear escaped. I rolled my eyes, and wiped the evidence away. I hated crying. Especially in front of people. I wanted to be strong, especially in front of the Doctor, and I was failing miserably.

“On Planet Skaro. Where I turn into a Dalek. So glad I have something to look forward to.”

“Not if I can help it.” The Doctor’s face looked determined. I’d seen that look before, but the Doctor didn’t always get his way.

“But you said I’ve been following you. How? I didn't even know you existed before today.”

“I don't know. I’ve only interacted with you twice before now, but I’ve looked and you’ve been to every place and time that I have traveled to. You exist in every time period.” I shook my head.

"No. No, I can't have. This can't be possible. I've got a life. A family, Doctor. A mom. A dad. A sister. Memories! I went to prom, and homecoming, and I graduated high school, and now I'm here. How? How can I have all that if I'm whoever you say I am? How can this be true? I'll tell you how. It's not. It's just not possible. I'm sorry, Doctor, but I think you've got the wrong person. I can't be her." I stood up, and began to walk away without another glance. He followed.

"Claire Coleman. Mother's maiden name: Oswald-" I stopped, and turned to him.

"It's just a name, Doctor. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a coincidence."

"Never ignore a coincidence. What was the first thing you said when you saw the Tardis?"

"It's bigger on the outside." He snapped his fingers at me.

"Bigger on the outside. You never could get it right."

"It's not me!"

"You know it is, Clara!"

"Stop it! Stop calling me Clara! My name is Claire!"I began to walk away, but he grabbed my shoulder.

"You didn't even hesitate when I told you who you really were. You believed it. I have never seen anyone accept anything so quickly in my life. You know, Clara. You know it's true. So why are you hesitating? Why now?"

"It's not- It's not me."

"Why now, Clara?"

"It's not me!"

"Why?!"

"Because I'm scared!" The words reverberated down the hall, and the tears escaped. I didn't even attempt to wipe them away. I closed my eyes and sank to the floor against the wall. The Doctor followed. We sat there for a few minutes. I cried silently, trying to wrap my head around what was going on, and what it meant. I don't think he knew what to do. The Doctor doesn't have scared companions. He got up, took two steps, shook his head, and then sat back down next to me. He did this three times, sometimes getting farther away before changing his mind and sitting back down. I stared at him curiously, tears still streaming down my face. Finally he made the decision to stay and began awkwardly patting my shoulder. I laughed, and began to wipe the tears away.

"What?"

"You're an idiot."

"What?!" His voice shot up an octave. I laughed at his confused expression, and he looked a little relieved.

"Better?"

"Yeah." I still had questions, but I decided to ask him about the show. I didn't think I could take any more new information about myself. “How did the writers know about me? How do they know anything? If I’m real- if I’m really Oswin- how do they know about me and all the other companions? Were they real, too?” He smiled at me, and took my hands to pull me up. We started to walk back to the Tardis.

“Lots of the people I’ve met over the years decided to write about me. It’s all exaggerated of course; purely for entertainment purposes, but a lot of what they’ve written is true. They write about their lives and Doctor encounters. It’s all very ridiculous. People can find out the truth if they’re not careful. I’ve had teenage girls banging on my Tardis doors. I managed to convince them it was fake, of course, but it was close.”

“So a group of people who you used to travel with get together to write stories about you? Was Moffat your companion?”

“Who do you think Rory was based off of?” We were at the Tardis now. He was holding the door open for me, but his answer made me stop in surprise.

“No way! I was just teasing. You’ve got to be joking!”

“I’m really not.”  He gestured towards the door. I went inside the Tardis, and he followed.  I was eager to hear more. I felt like a little girl with all of my questions, but the Doctor didn’t seem to mind. He looked excited to answer them, and thrilled that he had captured my interest. We leaned on the Tardis’s railing, as we talked.

“Steven Moffat was the Last Centurion?"

"You can find a picture of him on the internet if you look long enough."

"And he was taken away by Weeping Angels?”

“Yeah, he made Amy the writer to take suspicion off of him. He was always a delightful writer. Amy was the nurse, actually, and she was his best friend, not his wife.” The Doctor moved towards the console, and started looking at his screens, deciding where to go next.

“And was Moffat the model?” The Doctor stopped what he was doing to turn towards me. He looked horrified.

“God, no! Can you imagine? Not everything on that show is true.”

“Sorry, just asking. He’s not that old, though.”

“Yeah, the Angels didn’t send him that far into the past.” He went back to looking at his screens. “He was one of the lucky ones. Got to catch up to his old life, and live some of it in his own time. Some people get sent really far into the past. I met a girl once, from your time, who got sent to 1776 in America. Smack in the middle of the war. Even got to participate."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Who do you think Molly Pitcher was?"

"Molly Pitcher was sent there by a Weeping Angel?"

"Yeah. Great girl. Lots of spirit." Molly reminded me of another spirited girl on the show, and I walked towards him and crossed my arms.

"Speaking of great girls, what about River? Was she real, too?"

"Ah, River. Yeah still is."

"So you're married." He turned towards me.

"No."

"No?"

“No.” His expression turned thoughtful. It was almost sad, and I wondered how much of the TV show was true. “I mean I was married. A long, long time ago. But not to River. That's one of the exaggerations. River was kind of like the Master. She was a time lady hiding among the humans. Sent down to assassinate me. And one of my best friends on the planet. I guess they thought I needed a wife."

“I guess so.” I decided to stop delaying the inevitable, and turned his thoughts to why he was really here. “So, what’s this weird signal you’re getting?” He smiled at me, excited. He didn’t look scared at all, even though he knew he was walking into a trap. I suppose it was a thrill for him.

“I don’t know. It’s just a bunch of static at the moment. I’ve been trying to isolate it, but I haven’t been able to find anything recognizable yet. The signal starts to clear a bit the closer I get to the party."

“So let's go back to the party."

"No." His playful expression turned serious. He looked as though I had told him that I was going to run into a burning building. I was incredibly confused.

"No?"

"I'm taking you back to your dorm."

"Are you kidding me?"

"This is dangerous, Clara. I can't take you with me. It's too much. I've got to go alone."

"No! You don't!"

"Yes I do. Just an hour ago, you were terrified of the thought of leaving the Tardis. I'm not letting you anywhere near that party. Just stay away."

It was true. I was too scared to get out of the Tardis, and I had a nervous breakdown in my school hallway when I found out the truth about myself. I didn’t want the Doctor to go by himself, but I couldn’t convince him to let me stay. I let him guide me into my dorm, and leave.

Part of me felt relieved. Part of me said I should stay there. I was safe. The Doctor's life was full of danger, and anyone who went with him was subjected to that life as well. That wasn't me. But the other half told me that I had just been introduced to a world that very few people got to see, and I had let him walk away! And the Doctor knew me before I even knew that this life existed. There was something I didn’t know about myself, and that wasn't something I could just ignore. He was also walking into a trap, and even though the Doctor was brilliant, he could also be very stupid. I couldn’t let him go alone. I ran back to the party. The Tardis was exactly where he had left it when I had met him the first time. He was playing around with what looked like a radar gun. Knowing the Doctor, it was probably something else. When he saw me, he looked furious.

"I told you to stay away!"

"Yeah, and I didn't listen."

"This is dangerous, Clara! I told you! I am walking into a trap, and now you're jeopardizing your own life!" He towered over me, making me feel small, but I didn't let him treat me that way.

"Yeah, I am! It's my life. My decision."

"You told me you were scared!"

"Terrified!"

"So why are you here?"

"The only reason you're here is because of _me_. I don't know who I am anymore. Nothing is what I thought it was, and I can't just ignore it. I can't just go back to spend the rest of my life pretending that this never happened when I know that I'm not who I thought I was. I have to know what’s happening to me, Doctor." He paced back and forth in the hallway, trying to decide if he should let me go with him.

"I'm not going to be able to convince you to leave, am I?"

"No." He turned around, and held my shoulders with a serious expression on his face.

"Then prepare yourself. You won’t be able to wait a minute to take everything in. Do what I say. Don’t wander off. Don’t ask stupid questions, and brace yourself, Clara. You have to be prepared for anything.” I took a deep breath.

“I understand. I won't let you down, Doctor."

"Good. Now, are you ready?”

 “Yes." I wasn’t so sure that I was, but I decided not to show the Doctor any hint of fear. I didn’t want to be sent home.

 “Okay, then.” He straightened his iconic red bow tie. “Let’s go to a party.” He took out the radar gun again.

“What is that anyway?”

“It's a thingy. I’m tracking the signal.” He twisted a knob, and I could hear the static loud, high pitched, and piercing, even above the thumping music of the party. We both winced at the sound, and the Doctor played with the knobs in order to stop it. Instead, the noise grew louder, and I covered my ears.

“Ugh, that’s nasty!”

“I know! It’s all I’ve been getting! It started to clear when I found you, though!” He finally found the right knob, and the noise stopped. He smiled back at me, pleased with himself.

“Maybe we should-“

“Go back to where you were standing? I had the same idea. Do you remember where you were?”

“I remember I was going over to talk to someone, and then I ended up looking at a painting. You know, it’s really weird. I don’t even like art.” I walked him over to the painting I had been staring at before. The static crackled, and then began to clear as we got closer to the painting. When the static was gone and we heard the message repeating over and over again, we froze. My blood turned cold.

“You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight.”

As we moved closer to the painting, I realized that it was _The Scream_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry I took so long to update. Here's an extra long chapter. Hopefully this makes up for it? A little bit? Please don't eat me. I'll try to get the next one up much faster. Thanks to my lovely beta wishingforromance for going through my work with a fine tooth comb. She has also posted her very first fanfiction so if you're a fan of the Mortal Instruments go check it out! Anyway I hope like it!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/799818

“Okay, don’t panic. This is no time to panic.” The Doctor was pacing back and forth. He had run his hands through his hair so many times in the past five minutes it was standing on end.

“Doctor-”

“I know you’re scared Clara, but this is no time to panic. We have to be alert here. Aware. And we can’t do that if we’re panicking-”

“Doctor!” He finally stopped pacing, and turned to look at me.

“What?”

“You’re panicking. Just a little. And it’s making me kind of-”

“Right. Sorry.” He took a deep breath and straightened his bowtie. “Moving on.”

I’d been watching Doctor Who for a long time, but nothing had really scared me. Most of the creatures were kind of lame, and as for the rest of them, the idea that none of these things were actually real gave me a sense of security. Even then, I always believed that if that world existed even the Slitheen and moving mannequins would terrify me. But this _was_ the real world, and the Silence terrified the Doctor, who was the person I was relying on to keep me- well maybe not calm, but at least to stop me from freaking out.

The Doctor was pacing again, but it was different this time. Less fearful and more purposeful. Like he couldn't think without moving around.

“There’s something I’m missing here. Something staring at me right in the face, or maybe it was something I heard? What did you say before?”

“What?” He walked up to me like he found what he was searching for and waved his arms around when he talked.

“What did you tell me? Just before. Can you remember it exactly?”

“Just before when?”

“Just before. When we isolated the signal. You were saying something about the party.”

“Oh, I was going over to talk to someone, but I got distracted by the painting.” He snapped his fingers.

“And you said it was weird.”

“Because I don’t like art. I mean, I guess I can appreciate it, but I don’t really memorize paintings and stare at it looking for depth, or... but that’s not really the point. Why are you so interested in what I was saying?”

“You said you don’t like art. So why did the painting catch your attention?”

“Oh! That’s easy. I- actually no. Scratch that. I- I don’t know. I don’t remember.” The Doctor let out a puff of air. “You think I saw one, don’t you?”

He nodded. “Any more gaps in memory?”

“Just one.”

“Okay-”

“Weren’t we standing in front of _The Scream_?” We had moved, but I didn’t remember moving. Before, _The Scream_ was directly in front of us. Now we were standing in a corner near the couch where my roommate and her boyfriend had gone to make out. The painting was on the other side of the room. “How many times do you think we’ve had this conversation?”

“I don’t know, Clara, but we’re vulnerable over here. We need a way to mark the Silence sightings.” I went into my tool belt and took out my liquid liner and red lipstick.

“Clara?” His eyes were wide and he was staring at my arm. When I looked down, I realized what he had already noticed: five marks in red lipstick going down my arm. We had had this conversation before. Neither of us had to say it, so we moved on. I looked around to make sure there were no Silence near us. I didn’t see any nearby. It was strange. I didn’t see them anywhere. For all I knew it could have been because I didn’t remember seeing them, but I felt safe enough to speak openly with the Doctor. Still, we kept close to the corner.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Don’t have one.”

“How do you not have a plan?”

"It’s kind of hard to have a plan when you don’t know what you’re dealing with!”

“You never know what you’re dealing with!”

“I never have a plan!”

“But what do you usually do?”

He thought about this for a second, looked towards the painting across the room, took my hand and pulled me towards it. “Something clever. Clara, tell me about this painting.”

“It’s creepy.” The Doctor looked annoyed, so I kept going, trying to see what he saw, and after a minute, I realized something. “No one ever remembers what they look like. I know _I_ don’t, but the writers chose this painting to represent them in the show. And it’s the exact painting the Silence had me staring at before. You said they were blocking the signal so that you wouldn’t know who was here. So, why this? Why the fanfare? It’s like a huge Batman signal for anyone that watches the show. So did I get it? Is that what you saw?”

“Um... actually no. Well, kind of. That’s actually very interesting. But that’s why I asked you. Because what I worked out was that that painting was directed towards you. It means nothing to me. I didn’t even notice it was there. But you? You said you don’t like art. And they got you to notice it. How? It’s like you said. It’s from the show. Big Batman symbol in the sky for anyone who's a big enough fan. You, Clara, you’re practically an expert. You instantly recognized it. Reminded you of the Silence. They got something that would catch your attention and put you in the exact position that they wanted you to be in so that you would see them. So, Clara, my question is what do they want with you?”

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Repeatedly. I don’t know why. I should have seen this coming. My favorite sci-fi show is actually real. I exist in multiple points in time. It was only fitting that the monsters would want me, too. Well, it could have been worse. I could have been a character at the beginning of a Supernatural episode. The Doctor was looking at me closely, trying to read my face for my reaction.

“Are you okay? I know this is the third time I’ve sprung something on you today, and you didn’t really take it well the first two times. Maybe I should take you back?” He put his arm on my shoulder and I pushed it off.

“I’m not going back. I’m- I’m fine. Really.” I took a deep breath. “So, the Silence caught my attention and got me to stand right there. Why?”

“That’s something I’d like to know.”

Thinking about the TV show, I realized something. "Wait a second. What about the signal? What’s going on with that? Why aren’t we killing them all on sight? Or was that just a TV show thing?"

“No, that part's true. They’re using it against me. They took the same signal I created to get rid of them, and they’re using it to shield themselves. It’s coded. All you guys get is static, and they’ve added to their defense systems. I can’t get a read on them.” A thought passed into my head, but I didn’t get to finish it. I gasped, and when I collected myself again, the Doctor was holding my arms. A new mark had appeared.

“Another one?” When the Doctor let go, there was a word written there, smudged a bit by the Doctor’s hand: Run. When the Doctor saw it, he pulled my hand and dragged me away again. Behind us, there was an explosion. The stereo sparked, the DJ flew back, and the music stopped. Everyone moved closer to the DJ to see what was going on, and electricity surged through the crowd, striking another guest.

I was terrified. I had never been in this kind of situation before. Not even remotely. The most violent thing I had ever seen off of the television screen were kids fighting in high school, and I had never stuck around to watch. With that initial lightning blast, it dawned on me that this was all very real. Not just the Doctor, the Tardis, the mystery, and the strange creatures, but the danger, too. I mean, the danger had crossed my mind. It was the first thing I thought of when I realized the Doctor was real in the first place, but imagining it and experiencing it up close and personal were two completely different things. At that moment I just wanted to fly away. Away from it all, back to before I realized that this world was real. I was terrified and my stomach felt like it was going to drop out of my body.

The Doctor stopped running. “Everyone out of the room!” He shouted. We ran to the doorway, and stood close to the walls in the hallway. People were rushing past us. “You, too.”

“What?” He took my hand and placed a key into my palm.

“I need you to go to the Tardis. There are two nanorecorders in a box underneath the console. One for you, one for me. Best defense against the Silence, and our only fighting chance.”

My voice broke. “I- I don’t think I can. Honestly, Doctor, if I do, I don’t think I’ll be able to come back.”

“You can do this.”

“I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Doctor. You must think I’m a coward.” He gave me a look then, and grabbed a hold of my shoulders.

“Listen to me, Clara. I’ve met a lot of cowards in my life. Lots of people who couldn’t find the nerve to just think and do what was right for everyone. But you? No. There’s nothing cowardly about you. You stood up to me a couple of  times, didn’t you?”

“I mean, yeah I guess I did, but that was different. That was just me talking. But it’s like- I can’t... do stuff. Not when it’s important. Like right now, I just really want to run away.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. It’s fine. Go. Honestly, I won’t think any less of you. Get yourself somewhere safe. Honestly, Clara it was a pleasure. I haven’t had someone to yell at me for a long time.” He smiled at me, but I was crying. I was so scared I was trembling. But at the same time, I was just really disappointed in myself. I wanted to be that girl. That type of person who could be the Doctor’s companion. Brave, clever, beautiful. But I was frozen to the spot. While I was at the Doctor’s side, I felt like I could stand my ground and face the Silence. But I knew that once I left him, I wouldn’t be able to come back. How could I? How could I feel the cool crisp air on my skin and then throw myself back into the flames?

“Wait, what are you going to do? Why did you need me to go alone?”

“I’m going to have a little conversation with the Silence.”

“You’re going back in? Without the little nanorecorder thing? Why?”

“Like I said before, Clara, it was a trap. They stopped firing because they know they’ve got me. Not everyone got out. If I don’t go back in, they’ll start firing again.” I took a deep breath.

“The box where you keep your bow ties?”

"What?"

"They're in your box of bow ties?"

“That’s the one.” He gave me a small smile and took a deep breath himself before walking back into the room. “I’m here, you’ve got me. I’ll stay put. Don't hurt anyone else. They don’t know what’s going on.”

I turned and ran for the Tardis. I could hear the Doctor shouting furiously in the other room, but I couldn’t focus on his words. I had to concentrate on moving forward. It was strange. The more distance I put between me and that room, the more anxious I became, even though I was running away from the danger. Even though I was putting distance between myself and the Silence, I was also leaving the Doctor behind. Every second away from danger was a second I didn’t know what was happening to the Doctor, and that made me uneasy. I focused on the uneasiness, though, because fear for the Doctor gave me the drive to come back for him.

It felt like it had been hours before I finally got to the Tardis. Key in hand, I tried to open the doors, but my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t even get the key into the lock. I tried to calm myself down, and a few seconds later, I was able to open the Tardis doors.

The second the doors opened, I ran to the console to find the Doctor’s box of bowties. I sifted through them quickly at first, hoping that I could find them instantly and go back for the Doctor. Then, when I didn’t find them, I looked carefully so that I wouldn’t miss anything. The nanorecorders were not where he said they’d be, and I didn’t even know what a nanorecorder would look like. I started panicking. They had to be there! He said they’d be in the box! If they weren’t there, how would I even find them? Everything in the Tardis was so unfamiliar. The nanorecorder could literally be anything. I checked his box of bowties for the third time before dumping all of its contents on the floor. There were nothing but bowties, so I started checking them.

“Nanorecorders? As in nano, maybe? So they’re so small I can’t see them? But that makes no sense!” After checking the pile of bowties one more time, I threw the cardboard box across the room. I sank to the floor and started crying. I was such a _great_ companion. I couldn’t even do something as simple as retrieving an item from the Tardis without having multiple breakdowns in between. What could the Doctor possibly see in me? Who was I to traipse into the world of the great Rose Tyler? Jack. Martha. Donna. Amy and Rory. Even Mickey! How could I possibly hold a candle to them? The Doctor was much too kind to me. I was probably his biggest disappointment. I couldn’t even last a day.

But none of the other companions stopped to feel sorry for themselves either. All I was doing was wasting time. Stopping to cry was not helping the Doctor. I had no idea what was going on, and I might have been the worst companion the Doctor ever had in his long, long, life, but I would not be the companion that caused the Doctor to lose his life because she couldn’t pick herself up from the floor and bring him what he asked for. Failure was not an option. I stood up and wiped my tears. I knew I would never be them, but I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t leave the Doctor alone when he needed me most. I had no idea where to look, so I tried asking the Tardis and hoped with all my might that the Tardis being alive was one of the things the show got right.

“Uh- uhm- so you’re alive, right? Well, the Doctor’s in danger. And he sent me here to get these nanorecorder thingies. But they’re not where he said they’d be. And I don’t know what they look like. And he really, really needs them. Do you know where they are? Can you just, I don’t know, send me a big friendly arrow? Just to let me know that I’m not talking to myself?” The lights flickered. I took that as a response.

“Uh, okay? Don’t know what that means.” I looked back at the bowtie box.

“Maybe it’s in the one with the hats? But why would it be there? I’ll check his coats.” I found 15 different objects that could have been nanorecorders, but I knew I was taking too long.

“Can you please just show me?” The lights flickered again, which I took to mean that the Tardis wasn’t going to help. There was no way I could figure out what the Doctor needed on my own, and I couldn’t just bring the things I did find. There were too many things for me to carry. Whatever this nanorecorder was, I’d need to hide it from the Silence. The Doctor wouldn’t be able to sift through the items that I brought him, and there was the very likely possibility that the nanorecorder wasn’t in the pile of junk I’d collected.“You don’t understand! The Doctor is in trouble! He’s stuck in a room surrounded by the Silence! They set up a trap for him, and he just walked in! He’s got no defense against them! No way to remember them! No one to help him! And no way out! He sent me here to get me this nanorecorder. It’s the only way I can save him, and I’ve been here way too long. Please, it’s the only way I can save him. I can’t do this by myself.” The lights flickered again.

“What the hell are you good for then, huh? Why won’t you help me save him? They’re going to kill him, and you’ll have done nothing!” The lights flickered again. I screamed in frustration.

“Fine! I’ll go there myself! Without the nanorecorders! You may not want to help him, but I’m not going to leave him there to die!” I went for the door, but she locked me in. “What the hell?”

The Tardis began to move. She was flying herself! It was completely unexpected, and I hadn’t been holding onto anything. I was propelled backwards towards the console, and hit the railing. There was going to be a huge bruise there the next day, but I pushed past the pain and held onto the railing as tightly as I could. It was a really jerky ride. Even worse than when the Doctor piloted the Tardis. Without the Doctor, it felt like I was on an out of control roller coaster with no safety belt. The railing was my only support as the rest of my body flew and slid and banged against the Tardis floor. We made it to the party room, but I’m pretty sure we landed on the stereo. When we crash landed, a screen lowered itself from the ceiling, indicating which object was the nanorecorder.  I found it in the pile of junk I had collected from the pockets of the Doctor’s old coats.

The nanorecorder had to be inserted into the skin with a needle. I hated needles. Honestly, I’d rank them up there with the Silence. You couldn’t get me to put one of those in my skin at gunpoint, but he _did_ only say to bring them.

When I opened the Tardis doors, electricity cracked past my head. Luckily it hit the door next to me, and not the console.

“Clara, what are you doing?!” The Doctor was in the center of the room. He was surrounded by the Silence, screwdriver in hand, several feet away from where the Tardis had landed.

“Well, I wasn’t going to leave you.” I ran closer to the Doctor, but lightning shot between us.

“Keep them apart.” They spoke in unison. Their voices sounded like a snake’s hiss. It was chilling, and grated against my skin. They were the most horrifying things I had ever seen. I had only cleared a few feet before the Silence stopped me from going after the Doctor. He was still too far away and the Silence were watching. But the Silence were paying closer attention to the Doctor than to me, so I took a small step towards him to test the waters. I felt a cold hand grab my shoulder tightly. One of the Silence had come out of their circle to grab me. The Doctor was furious.

“Let her go! She has nothing to do with this! Clara, go. You made the right decision before. You shouldn’t be here.”

“She has everything to do with this, Doctor, or have you not figured that out yet?” I yanked my arm out of it’s grasp. The silence moved it’s hand to grab it again, and I moved out of the way, making sure that I moved towards the Doctor.

“Don’t touch me! What the hell do you want with me anyway?” They didn’t answer. The silence just kept coming at me, and I continued to step away from it’s grasp towards the Doctor.

“Leave her alone! You’ve got me! What the hell do you need her for if you’ve got me?!”

“Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Really? You’re arguing with me when I’m trying to save you from the Silence? Don’t argue with me when I’m trying to save you from the Silence.” I heard a crack of lightning right behind me. I turned to see if the Doctor was alright and the Silence grabbed me again. The Doctor was perfectly fine, and he was about a foot away from me now. But I had given up my freedom when I gave my back to the Silence.

“Enough,” the Silence leader said. “We got what we came for. Doctor, thank you so much for bringing the girl straight to us.” My eyes went wide.

“What?” The circle dissipated. The Silence that had me began to drag me towards the painting along with the rest of them. They began to disappear through the painting. I held my arm out to the Doctor, and he grabbed for it. Instead of letting him play tug of war with the Silence, I dropped the nanorecorders into his hand and let go.

“No! No, no, no!” I wasn’t going to go down without a fight, though. The Silence’s hands were wrapped over my stomach, so my arms were still fully mobile. I don't think he was expecting much from me. He was more concerned about dragging me away than keeping me restrained. So I moved my hand and scratched him from the top of his wrist to his knuckles as hard as I could until I drew blood and used the heels of my feet as breaks. He cried out and let go, and I fell to the floor. He went for me again, and I rolled over. When I moved, I hit into something. For a second, I thought it was another Silence and started to fight to get out of it’s grasp, but it was just the Doctor. He helped me up, and we backed away from the Silence. There were only 5 of them now, but they were closing in. I felt something pinch my arm. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I realized it was the Doctor inserting the nanorecorder.

“Any ideas?” I asked the Doctor.

“Thinking, hold on.” I took a step forward, and the Doctor grabbed my arm. “What are you doing? You just got away from them!”

“You guys need me for something, clearly. And you need me alive?”

“For now.”

"Good enough for me.” Three of the Silence were near the painting. Only two of them approached us. So I grabbed the Doctor’s hand and made a run for the Tardis. They aimed their lightning blasts at the Doctor, but he matched my pace and I placed myself between him and the Silence. It became too dangerous for them to shoot, so they ran at us. I hit one of them in the stomach with my elbow, and he doubled over in pain. More Silence came through the painting to help the few that stayed behind, but we were already at the Tardis doors. They tried hitting the Tardis with a few lightning blasts, but we moved inside and the Doctor piloted us out of there, safe and sound. Laughing, breathless, and a little bit confused as to what happened, a light blinked red on his arm and we listened to his recording. " _Clara, what are you doing?!_ " He came over and took my shoulders.

“Clara! You did it! You were brilliant!" He kissed my forehead and I laughed again.

“I didn’t think I could. I’m like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. Couldn’t even handle a needle.”

“Oh, who cares about that? Needles are evil things. They’re pokey and scary. You came back for me, and flew the Tardis, and helped me find out a little bit about the Silence. You’re not a coward, Clara. You have a lion’s heart!” I looked at the floor, a little bit embarrassed. He was twirling around the console room happily in an awkward almost-dance. Finally, he stopped and leaned against the railing near me. “So, will you be staying with me or...?” I don’t know why, but my eyes went to his hands. He was sliding something in his pocket. I could have been wrong, though I don’t think I was, but it looked like an unused nanorecorder.

“Yes, actually, I think I will.”

 


End file.
